Meditation practice is a huge piece of what’s getting me through this pandemic/shelter in place time, and what’s gotten me through the tragedies, traumas, and triumphs of a human life up until this point.
I want to share the benefits of this practice as widely as possible. My own experience of the blossoming of ease, inspiration, and clarity of values that have resulted from my meditation practice leads me to genuinely believe the world would be radically transformed for the better if meditating were as widely accepted as part of caring for ourselves and society as brushing our teeth or showering regularly.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you already have some sense that meditation might be able to improve your life, and maybe even society, in some way, too. But having a regular meditation practice is easier said than done! So let’s talk about some straightforward principles that can support you to start (or re-start) your meditation practice.
Articulate Your Why
We all have a reason why we want to meditate — or want to want to meditate. Maybe you’ve seen research on its capacity to decrease stress and anxiety, maybe you’re hoping for more emotional resilience, maybe you have a friend or family member who meditates and you see how it’s impacted them for the better, maybe you’ve heard accounts of classical awakening and want to experience this path for yourself. Whatever it is for you, there is something motivating you to consider meditating. Getting clear about this genuine, personal “why” can be such a helpful catalyst for actually getting to the cushion and doing the damn thing.
If you notice yourself feeling something like “ugggggh I don’t want to meditate. I need to get some more work done” or “I just wanna watch TV,” first, know that this is totally natural and happens to everyone. Second, remember your why. This is why it might be genuinely worth it to you to put in the time and effort to practice. When you do sit down to meditate, you can begin your practice session by remembering this intention, and feel invigorated in what you’re doing.
If you’re feeling vague about why you want to meditate, I recommend taking a few minutes to write it out. How do you think a regular meditation practice would benefit you? How do you think your having a meditation practice would benefit your family, friends, and work?
Get to Know the Part of You That Doesn’t Want to Meditate
We just talked about how you can get to know the part of you that wants to meditate. At one time or another, chances are, a part of you will also arise that doesn’t want to meditate. If you’re feeling like you want to meditate and it just isn’t happening, chances are this part is arising. It’s common to think this part is bad, holding us back, getting in our way, and we should get rid of it and push through and force ourselves to practice. I want to suggest a different approach. Instead, listen to what this part is saying. Chances are, it’s advocating for something or trying to protect you in some way. It’s really common for the part that doesn’t want to meditate to be advocating for rest and relaxation, or trying to protect you from feeling difficult emotions it might be afraid will arise if you start meditating. Listen in, see what the part in you that doesn’t want to meditate saying. See how you can both meditate and meet this part’s needs, and give this part some reassurance that you recognize its concerns and you can do both. This meditation on procrastination (in this case procrastinating meditating) can help guide you through this process.
Go Slow and Steady
Let’s talk about the steady part first. It’s really helpful to set an intention ahead of time for how long you want to practice each day, and how many days per week you want to practice. Think through where it can fit in your daily routine. Make it a habit that you don’t have to deliberate every day. Alongside that, let the intention be gentle. Better to aim to sit for five minutes a day, do it, and feel really successful and encouraged about your practice than to aim to sit for 30 minutes a day, feel intimidated by it, put it off, feel guilty at the end of the day that you didn’t do it, and then associate meditation with this feeling of guilt and failure. Listen to yourself about what feels really doable and celebrate every minute of practice you do rather than creating some “should” and focusing on how you’re not living up to it.
Identify and Dispel Your Myths About Meditation
There are so many myths and stereotypes out there about what meditation is. You have no idea how many people tell me they’re bad at meditating. This is usually because they have some erroneous and unrealistic idea about meditation. Here are some of the most common stereotypes or myths about practice that I hear: You have to sit perfectly still; you’re supposed to stop yourself from thinking, and if thoughts arise you’re failing and you’re bad at it; you have to sit cross legged on the floor; the room has to be perfectly quiet, there can’t be other people or pets around, and god forbid one of them comes up to you or talks to you while you’re practicing; you’re supposed to feel peaceful; meditation (at least in the United States) is by and for White women with a lot of extra time and money and if that’s not your situation it’s not for you; if you don’t practice first thing in the morning you’ve already failed. Holy moly. I’m here to say: nope nope nope. Some of these things are practiced in some traditions or techniques. But you have options. One of the amazing things about mindfulness is that it can be practiced anytime, anywhere, no matter the conditions of the situation or what you’re doing. So whatever limits you believe exist around meditation, let’s identify them. Chances are whatever seems like a barrier to you being able to practice is actually an opportunity to be flexible and creative in your practice. This is a great place for consulting with a teacher to come in. Someone with more experience will likely be able to walk you through this troubleshooting process.
If You Can’t Be Disciplined Be Clever
(Shout out to Shinzen Young for this awesome phrase!) Frankly, willpower is not great at getting stuff done. If you’re noticing this in your own efforts to start or sustain a meditation practice, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Luckily, there are lots of other options besides trying to use willpower to force yourself to practice.
Sign up for a retreat six months out and pay ahead. Future you will totally be down for it ;) Capitalize on community and external structure. We have guided meditations you can download, and we offer a livestream five days a week. There are lots of meditation gatherings online and in your community. You don’t have to make yourself meditate by yourself. Just log on and let the class carry you. Make plans to join with a friend. Many of us are way less likely to bail if a friend is expecting us. Sign up to work one-on-one with a teacher, or sign up for a course. Setting up these supportive structures will help you practice.
Experience the Impact
For me, one of the biggest motivators to practice meditation is frankly that I feel worse when I don’t do it, and I feel better when I do do it. If I’m feeling grumpy or off balance or like there’s some emotion building up that needs to be metabolized, that’s a cue for me to practice. I know what the impact of not practicing — or not practicing enough to meet the needs of the moment — feels like for me. Because I’m clear about this, these sensations motivate me to meditate. On the flip side, I have also paid really close attention to the benefit I feel when I do practice. At the end of each sitting period, really pay attention, on a sensory level, to any benefit you experience. Maybe the body and mind feel a little more at ease. Maybe some inner conflict feels like it’s come into greater harmony. Maybe an emotional knot was released. Maybe it was uncomfortable, but felt productive and growthful. Soak into these sensations at the end of your practice period and really appreciate them, even if they’re very subtle. Particularly if you’re having a hard time establishing a regular practice, give yourself full permission to do the practices you find most enjoyable. Let it be something you can look forward to.